One in a Bear-llion (Polar Heat Book 3) Page 7

  Her mom and dad had a slow and steady courtship with a careful mating ceremony presumably after their human marriage.

  That wasn’t at all how things had unfolded between her and Scott. He’d made it clear he could only offer a roll in the hay, or grass, as it were. And she’d made it clear she wasn’t demanding more from him.

  Which is what made it so ridiculous that he thought she’d want to trap him. Who did he think he was? Sure, he was gorgeous, rich, and capable enough to make a woman melt in his hands.

  But that wasn’t enough for Mara. She wanted someone to love her, and she was never going to beg for it.

  When they finally pulled up in front of the hotel, it was totally dark.

  “Let me walk you back,” he said.

  “Fuck you,” she said quietly.

  “Mara, I’m sorry.”

  “No, fuck you,” she said. “That was wonderful for me.” She felt tears start and swiped at them angrily. “But I didn’t mean for that to happen any more than you did.”

  His face fell and he gathered her against him, ignoring her struggles as he enfolded her in his strong arms.

  “It’s your fault,” she muttered.

  “I know, and I’ll take responsibility,” he said.

  She pushed away from him with angry eyes. “You don’t get it. I don’t want you to take responsibility.”

  “You want to leave me,” he said.

  “No, I want a mating with love,” she said.

  “I can’t give you that,” he said coldly. “I can give you protection. A home. More wealth than you could spend in a lifetime. I’ll work all my life to give you that.”

  “But not love?” she asked. “Not even when we’re mated?”

  His mouth tightened in a line. “I don’t see how that changes anything. I just don’t feel it, Mara.”

  She blinked, too hurt to think of a response.

  He took her by the arms so she couldn’t run.

  “Don’t misunderstand. You’re wonderful. Beautiful and kind and talented and more than I deserve. But it’s just not in me, Mara. I’m not like that.”

  “You could be,” she said. “But you won’t deal with whatever’s inside you that’s stopping you.”

  His face hardened. “So now what?”

  “Now you think about what you want,” she said. “This was half your fault.”

  “I want—”

  “Don’t you dare say you want to take responsibility.” She put up a hand. “I just can’t hear that again tonight. No, you go take a break and think about what you’re really willing to bring to the table, because we’re both stuck now.”

  “What will you do if I can’t love you?” he asked, looking as trapped as she felt.

  She sighed. “I don’t know.”

  He shook his head and released her to lead the way back to the hotel, struggling to keep up. When they got to the door, he leaned on the wall, not looking at her.

  “Good night, Mara,” he said.

  She didn’t answer. Just walked in and shut the door behind her. Then her legs turned to jelly and she slumped on the floor. Her body was still warm from his touch. She could still remember how good it had felt to be joined with him. How happy her animal had been.

  He was definitely her mate. And under any other circumstances, she’d be lucky to have him.

  But not like this.

  She put a hand up to her face as tears fell.

  * * *

  The next morning, something very odd happened to Mara. She felt like painting.

  She twisted the bed sheets in her hands, worrying the urge would disappear once she went to the easel.

  Still, she knew from working, even before the stalker, the best thing to do was to get up and try, even when you didn’t know for sure you could accomplish anything.

  And if nothing else, maybe she could try what Scott had done the other day. She rolled out of bed and changed, feeling somewhat in a trance. She went to the kitchen and peeled a banana as she looked out at the ocean.

  She heard a door open and close and looked up to see her Kim emerging from her room.

  The two women were as different as possible. Where Mara was short and shy and demure, Kim was tall and vivacious and loved to blurt things out that would make lesser women faint.

  Kim’s braids were an unruly mess around her face, and she looked like she’d been up far too late before returning in the morning. She muttered something about a sea captain and sat down at the counter as if she expected Mara to serve her. Mara just grinned and grabbed an orange juice carton out of the fridge and handed it to her cousin.

  “Thanks,” Kim mumbled, giving her a guilty grin. “Mothering again?”

  Mara laughed. “Sure.” She liked taking care of others. But Scott was the first one to try and take care of her. “Late night?”

  “Yes,” Kim said with a stretch and a groan. “That damn Sebastien sure knows how to keep a woman up.”

  Mara smothered a smile and ate a banana slowly, considering the lighting outside and where and when would be best to start painting.

  Kim followed her gaze to the easel in the corner. “You been able to paint at all?”

  Mara shook her head. “But today’s the day, I think.” She could feel something rising inside her. Perhaps it was anger. Perhaps it was just that she wasn’t going to succumb to helplessness anymore. Her stalker had tried to silence her. Today was the day she wouldn’t let him.

  “I’m glad. I’ve missed seeing your paintings,” Kim said. “I was worrying success had ruined you.”

  “No,” Mara said. “It’s something else.”

  “You want to talk about it?” Kim asked, turning to her with earnest eyes as she finished the orange juice in one gulp.

  Mara didn’t. It would only ruin her cousin’s trip and worry her. Plus she had it under control. Even if Scott was no longer coming around, which she didn’t know whether she wanted him to or not, she doubted even the stalker would try to confront her internationally.

  Not when he could just wait for her to come back. He’d never followed her on a vacation before, like when she’d visited her parents.

  “Well, I’m going out on another boating trip today,” Kim said. “Wish me luck seducing the hot captain.”

  “Good luck seducing the hot captain,” Mara said with a grin. Kim saluted her, grabbed her keys, and headed out, leaving the room empty.

  Leah, the other woman who’d won the giveaway, was probably already out scuba diving. They tended to go out early. She wondered how that was going. Sky, Scott’s youngest brother, seemed like a really pleasant, easygoing guy. Sebastien, the one Kim was paired with, was stern and surly but actually pretty perfect for her over-the-top, rambunctious friend.

  Mara walked over to the easel. The day was beautiful. Slightly overcast, still dotted with pink and purple from the sunrise, with little lines of gold interspersed throughout reflecting the sunlight. The ocean was a deep morning blue, mirroring some pinks and purples from the sky above. She didn’t know if she’d ever had a more beautiful scene to paint.

  Her seascapes were usually colder beaches with lots of rocks and darker, murkier water to add lots of interest. But something about this sunrise just awakened something in her.

  She didn’t suppose rejection should have this effect on her, but something about what happened with Scott, whether it was good or not, made it easier to put the paints on her palette, mixing darks and lights until she had a good idea of what colors she needed to start.

  She dipped her brush in some blue, ready to start on the sky, and was surprised when she put her hand directly to the canvas and started brushing over it. Something lit up inside her and a wide smile spread over her face as she worked quickly, blending the oils as a base across the sky and then grabbing some purple and white to start adding clouds.

  As she saw the scene in front of her begin to come to life in beautiful color, she realized what it was that was inspiring her.

  She was in lov
e. She’d known it when she’d been with him last night. She’d known it when he mated her. Her bear was content and purring, not blocking her from being able to function.

  She continued to work over the canvas. It was an utter joy to create again, and she worked feverishly until she noticed soreness in her hand and had to sit down for a break. As she did, she considered the painting in front of her. A new beginning. A new dawn. The meaning wasn’t lost on her.

  She stretched her hands and went back to the painting. When it was finished, she found her fervor to keep going was even greater than before she’d started. Now that she was able to paint again, she wanted to do it forever.

  She set the painting inside her room, where no doors or windows would be open, so it could dry without any dust or sand getting on it before she could varnish it.

  What would she do with this one? She wouldn’t sell it. She wouldn’t let anyone ruin it. Maybe she’d just keep it for herself as a memory of what had happened between her and Scott on that magical night.

  She knew he was with her. He’d been with her right up until the realization, and then something inside him had triggered and stopped him from enjoying the aftereffects. But she’d just have to wait until he came to his own conclusion about what that was and whether he was willing to fix it.

  She looked at the painting once more and then went out to make lunch. She could hardly wait to start another painting this evening.

  * * *

  Scott couldn’t work. He hunched over the desk, clutching his head in his hands, telling himself he needed to focus. He hadn’t been working adequately the past couple of days. He badly needed to catch up.

  But all he could think about was his curvy little mate and the way he’d broken her heart.

  How could he be so careless? How could he have put them both in this situation? He knew she took half the blame, but he couldn’t help but take all of it. It was just what he did.

  He’d had to grow up far too young, and as a result, he tended to assume too much responsibility. He knew this about himself, but he didn’t seem to be able to change it. At least at work, the things he was responsible for were in his grasp to change.

  If only he could get her out of his mind.

  So this was having a mate. This soul-twisting torture that was complete preoccupation with someone you couldn’t have. She wanted love. He didn’t have it in him. He could be kind. He could be well-mannered. But love? He’d seen what that did. Nothing good.

  Commitment he could offer. They could be good companions, and the sex was amazing. So amazing that when he’d been inside her, he’d felt so totally right that he hadn’t realized how wrong the whole thing was.

  And he’d taken her to his house. That had been a bad idea to begin with. He’d had it built on the off season, to give himself more to do when there were less tourists around, though there were pretty much always tourists around Grand Cayman.

  He didn’t know what part of him had insisted on bringing her out there and ravishing her in the gardens. It had been beautiful, though, a moment he doubted anything in his life could top.

  An image of her, round with his cub, popped into his mind, proving him wrong. Yes, that would be amazing.

  But he felt something twisting inside him, locking away the warm feelings that had threatened to surge forward. He knew exactly why they were there. Exactly who was to blame. He stood up abruptly from his desk, his heart pounding in his ears, and stormed to the elevator.

  It was time to talk to his dad about something that had been a long time coming.

  8

  Sam Weston had had an interesting couple of days. Since his sons had been busy with the potential mates he’d brought onto the island, he’d had much less to do. He’d looked into some new investments, checked into the day-to-day of the hotel that Scott usually took care of, and then had a lot of time to himself.

  To think.

  None of his sons had had an easy time finding a mate. Most shifters were focused on it, but all of his had avoided it, probably due to baggage he’d caused for them. It was why he’d brought mates out, because he knew that it was partly his fault and so he should be part of the solution. He knew his disastrous mating had affected them all. Probably Sky the least, because he was the youngest when it happened. But definitely Sebastien, and probably worst of all, Scott, who was the oldest and had to take the most responsibility when things went south.

  Sam hated himself for being weak in those days. And for lying to his boys. He’d been so blind with grief he’d barely been able to see, let alone think.

  All he could think about was getting as far away as possible from where it all had happened.

  And when you mess up your kids’ childhood, it’s not like you can go back and fix it with an apology. You can’t go back and let them be kids again, let them deal with it.

  You just have to wait until they confront you with it and be ready with the best answer you have.

  So Sam wasn’t surprised when the first to come see him was Scott. He knew it was his son by his scent, and by the harshness of the knock on the door. Scott was the son who had pushed things the deepest beneath the surface. He’d been the perfect son, made the business and their investments flourish. Thrown himself into his work, and before that, thrown himself into taking care of his brothers when Sam was unable to.

  He opened the door, taking a deep breath to brace himself against the anger that was coming. But Scott looked deadly calm as usual as he pushed past his dad to enter the room.

  “We need to talk,” Scott said, whirling on him the second Sam shut the door.

  It was painful to see fury burning in his son’s eyes. Scott was the closest copy of him, with his build and his short hair, and it was like looking into a mirror at himself years ago, back when everything in his life had been perfect, and then irrevocably wrong.

  “Don’t do that,” Scott said. “Don’t shut down on me. You don’t get to be the one who shuts down this time.”

  “I’m not,” Sam said, standing straighter. “I’m here to hear whatever it is you need to say. And maybe tell you something as well.”

  Scott stepped forward and jabbed a finger into his chest, hard enough to hurt. “You’ve got a lot of nerve, fucking us all up so bad that we don’t want to find mates, and then bringing women out here for us to fall for. What the fuck were you thinking? That you could just fix it all, just like that?”

  “Scott, calm down,” Sam said, alarm rising in him. “What’s wrong?”

  Scott pushed him away, and Sam could feel that his animal was close to the surface, snarling. In a way, it was good. Scott had been pent up for too long, hadn’t said anything that needed to be said. He should have been the one to bring it up, but he’d been a coward.

  “What do you think is wrong? I had to grow up watching you crying and not handling your shit. I had to take care of Seb and Sky. I had to take care of everything so that we could survive. All you could handle was work. And you know? When we went to work, that seemed to be the only time you kept it together.”

  “We needed it,” Sam said dully.

  “Right,” Scott said. “And now I’m stunted. Now work is the only thing I can do. Everything else feels like a scary mess.” Scott sat in a chair with his head in his hands. It was physically painful for Sam to watch his son like this, but he knew he couldn’t fix it, he could only listen.

  “You were a complete mess. Do you know what that feels like? When the person you should be depending on is just falling apart? I know mom is somewhat to blame, but—”

  “She isn’t,” Sam said quietly.

  “Stop it,” Scott said. “Stop acting like she’s innocent. She left us. She ruined your life.”

  “Scott, my life isn’t ruined.” He sat in a chair across from his son, hoping the other didn’t erupt. His son was a good man. He knew that at least. “I have you boys.”

  Scott looked up with grief-stricken eyes. “And what did we have? A roof over our heads? That isn’
t enough. We were grieving too. But there wasn’t any room. Sure, Seb could cry. Sky would ask where Mom went. Where were you? Hiding in your room. And when we came to find you, the noises we heard…”

  Sam blanched. “You heard.”

  “Screams. Horrible, tearing noises.”

  “I tried not to share that with you,” Sam said. “I was in so much pain it was incomprehensible, but I tried to shoulder it myself. The problem is sometimes grief is so huge that it leaks, flowing over everything. I tried to hold it all but I couldn’t.”

  “I’m mated,” Scott choked out. “I’m doomed. Like you.” He covered his face with his huge hands. “She doesn’t want me.”

  “I find that hard to believe.”

  “She doesn’t want me as I am now. Since I can’t offer her everything.”

  “What can’t you offer?” Sam asked.

  “What do you think?” Scott asked. “I don’t want your life.”

  “Ah,” Sam said. “So you think you’ll get left and end up like me.”

  Scott nodded.

  “A successful businessman with three beautiful sons who make my life better everyday.”

  Scott’s eyes widened.

  “And one particularly beautiful son who has been carrying more than anyone knew.” He reached for his son but Scott shrugged away. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I don’t want to be weak like you. I don’t want to love.”

  Sam went quiet. “You think love is what hurt me?”

  Scott nodded. “Those noises.”

  Sam leaned forward. “You must have been a good kid, to be so bothered by it. But it’s not what you think.”

  Scott froze and looked up at him. “Then what was it? If you have an answer for me please for pity’s sake tell me. Because I’m about to lose someone who’s everything to me if I can’t figure it out.”

  Sam frowned. “I don’t know. It might take time to undo the damage. You were never able to be a kid, when you should have been. All I can say is I’m sorry, and that if I could go and do it all again, I would fall in love with your mother.”